Have you ever felt stuck? Overwhelmed? Tired of TRYING so hard but still failing to find a rhythm and a flow? Although this was written at the start of 2022, it resonates today, because we are always growing. Always endeavoring to reach our potential. This is essentially a case study that demonstrates how strengths- and personality-based approaches can help us in our real lives—every day.
A Turning Point
Today is February 1st, which I am calling the new first day of the year. January felt as long as a year and was so disappointingly JUST LIKE last year that it doesn’t deserve to be called the first month of any year. I am not letting it for one minute be the precedent-setter for 2022.
Plus, I did what I tell myself (and my clients!!!) not to do:
I went out hard, with huge expectations for my business, my work life, my personal projects, my personal life. About midway through the month, I sat across from a trusted friend and business peer in the hopes he could help me make sense of it all.
I had SO many ideas, and SO many great paths I could pursue in each of those areas, and even had some momentum from 2020, which was actually a really good year for me…and I’ve adopted a stricter approach to time management solutions, and…and…and…
My words now are NOTHING compared to the many, many words I spilled in that convo, but I eventually wound down, and I can’t even begin to describe my disappointment by his answer. I had pleaded for help in choosing the best direction and he did not say, “Choose what’s behind Fabulous Door #3 (or #2, or 1, or 100)” but instead started talking about consistency.
You’ve got to be flipping kidding me, I thought. First of all, I’ve never been so consistent in my life as in the year of our Lord, 2021.
~ Brain-dumping to get all the to do’s out of my head and onto the page? ✅
~ Prioritizing the brain-dumped items? ✅
~ Time-blocking? ✅
~ Growing increasingly stressed and cranky? ✅ ✅ ✅ x 1,000,000
I kept listening, hoping for a clue as to how to better decide between all the choices, and then I heard him talk about the high cost of consistency for him as a creative, and he suspected for me also, and how it should only be employed in the service of the really important, worthy endeavors.
He had no way of knowing what those words meant to me, particularly.
Living from Strength, or working on weaknesses?
You might not know that personality (Myers-Briggs (MBTI)) and personal interests (Strong Interest Inventory) and Clifton Strengthsfinder are kind of my jams. Finding these were such game-changers for me that I’ve been utilizing them personally, and training and coaching with them for years now. I found them when I was feeling like such a loser—a young mom struggling to gain control over my home and routines despite reading numerous books and magazine articles, and setting up many different systems. I just couldn’t make them stick.
So here’s the deal: Clifton Strengthsfinder identifies 34 strengths, and “consistency” is one of them. It is my husband’s top strength. And for me? It comes in dead last.
So when my associate kept talking about the high cost of consistency? He truly had no idea!
It was a slam-on-the-brakes-of-my-life moment.
I’d been doing exactly what I tell people NOT to do: trying to succeed by working extra hard to shore up my weaknesses, ignoring my own natural gifts and tendencies, and doggedly implementing someone else’s system. This takes massive amounts of energy and produces mediocre results consistently.
It’s very deflating.
So, over the next few weeks, I stepped back and made myself my own coaching client.
Applying MBTI and Clifton Strengths to REAL LIFE
From a personality and strengths standpoint, what comes naturally to me?
As an ENFP, I’m an idea-generator. I love to brainstorm, and when ideas start popping, they lead to new ideas and more new ideas, and start connecting to previous ideas and endeavors. It’s intoxicating stuff!
But it’s a little like the Willie Wonka movie, where Charlie and his grandfather drink the soda and start floating up to the ceiling. It’s exciting and it’s fun, until they get stuck up near the ceiling close to the whirring fan and it’s not fun at all anymore. That’s how I’d gotten to feeling.
But as I approached it through a Myers-Briggs lens, I could decipher it a little bit better.
The idea generation and the brainstorming and finding people to learn from and bounce ideas off of, is incredibly energizing to me. That might not be the same for you who are reading this, but I guarantee there is something in your world that’s your favorite way to approach your life and your work. So—it stands to reason that, for me, in that place of creativity and high energy, and as more and more ideas keep popping, my work life feels robust and productive and so full of possibility!!
Here’s the other issue, though. For my Perceiving nature, choosing from the many possibilities induces real-deal stress because my personality resists limiting my options. Even once the number of ideas become a whirl around me, and are inducing stress and confusion, it’s difficult to narrow the options. And perhaps even more importantly—in the world of imagining all the possibilities, there’s no worry of judgment, no danger of failure, no work to be done bringing the ideas from concept to reality. So between my personality and my fear, there's a double-inducement to stay stuck in the thought bubbles, even when they're no longer serving me!
So I was putting ALL the ideas down on my lists, in my brain dumps, on my schedule, and getting tiny amounts of work started, while constantly feeling guilty about the projects I was not attending to.
Looking at where I’d wound up, I realized, I’m not a flake for having so many ideas—it’s actually a product of my particular personality strengths. I need to quit beating myself up about it, and move forward.
But how? Which direction?
So... what AM I Good At?
I realized my grind-it-out approach, using consistency and diligence (numbers 34 and 33, respectively in my strengths profile) required MASSIVE effort and energy while producing minimal results, like tires spinning in the mud.
So I spent some time combing through my Strengths report. Looking at my to-do list, would my top two strengths (Relator and Developer) apply? As a matter of fact, yes!
Obligations that had grown stale and become, well, obligatory, when viewed through a strengths-lens? Ideas and energy started flowing. Going at them using a Relating and Developing pathway, I actually wanted to apply greater effort.
That brought immediate relief! I live with a pretty consistent level of excitement so re-acquiring that motivation was huge!
Plus– I had clarity! The projects that hit my top five strengths best? They got (and get!) to win! Those are the doors I am choosing!
And this matters to you, why??
Work through your strengths, rather than your weaknesses. A better route toward resolve, if you will.
How, you might ask?
Here are a few questions to get started:
What work or type of work leaves you feeling energized and excited afterward? Think through what elements of that work were particularly satisfying and try to either do more of the same work, or look for ways to employ those elements and approaches into your efforts as much as possible.
What’s easy for you, and hard for other people? This is SUCH a good clue to our strengths. Find more work that fits this bill, and try to maneuver your tasks to fit through this filter.
And here's my little prayer:
May we all go forward, doing more of what we love most, and do best. And Lord, help us find the best angle with which to approach every aspect of our lives and our work.
P.S. FDLS has other resources to help you if this is an area you want to explore further! Personality Deep Dive is a five-week course coming soon that will help you with your work, relationships, communication and more. Check it out here!
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